


i wish i were heather

by terribledaisy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Heather by Conan Gray, KageHina - Freeform, KuroKen - Freeform, M/M, it's like one am rn why am i writing this, let hinata be happy, my gay son just wants to be happy, supportive boyfriends, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26473549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terribledaisy/pseuds/terribledaisy
Summary: when kageyama gets a girlfriend, all hinata wants to be is her
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 246





	1. Chapter 1

She was beautiful. 

So beautiful that Hinata just couldn't compare himself to her. 

He could see why Kageyama chose her. The way her light brown hair blew in the wind, creating a halo around her pretty round face made her look angelic. The way her hips swayed as she walked alongside the blue eyed setter was mesmerizing. Her soft laugh was like music to everyone's ears. Maybe that was why Kageyama was always making her giggle.

Of course, Hinata was happy. Seeing Kageyama smile had once been a rare occurrence, but with her around the smile had become a regular thing. 

Hinata loved Kageyama's smile. It was adorable the way his blue eyes would shine brighter than the sky, how his lips would turn up slightly and his cheeks would flush a light shade of pink.

It was just that... Hinata had always hoped that he would have been the one to make him smile. That he would have been the one to walk by his side everyday. That he would have been the one to hug him, kiss him, wear his sweaters.

Because the truth was that no matter how happy Kageyama was with someone else, the hole in Hinata's fragile little heart would never be filled. 

Hinata loved Kageyama so much. So much to the point that it was breaking him. All Hinata wanted was to be her.

Hinata let out a small grunt as he felt his face fall into something wet. He glanced down, realizing that he had tripped into a puddle while lost in thought.

"Oi, Hinata! Are you okay?"

Hinata looked up to see his favorite set of blue eyes looking down at him. He nodded, rising up to his feet and wiping the dirty water off his face with his shirt. He shivered as he let the wet shirt fall back over his torso, the dampness sticking to his thin body.

"Idiot, you need to be more careful." Kageyama grunted, pulling off his own sweatshirt and holding it out to the orange haired boy in front of him. "Here. Wear this before you catch a cold."

Hinata gingerly took the sweater from his crush's hands, his brain reminding him that Kageyama was only looking out for him for the benefit of the team. "Thanks."

Kageyama nodded and turned to continue the walk, glancing behind momentarily as a signal for Hinata to follow. Of course, Hinata did and the two continued their journey home.

"You seem to be a little out of it lately." Kageyama commented as the duo walked side by side. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Hinata mumbled.

Hinata could tell that Kageyama wasn't convinced, yet the dark haired boy let it slide. Although, it was common for Kageyama to not dive deeper into conversations like that. He had never quite been the conversational type. 

"Can you toss to me tomorrow after school?" Hinata asked. He just wanted to break the uncomfortable tension.

"Oh, sorry. I can't tomorrow. Maybe Friday?"

Hinata let out a soft 'oh'. Of course he couldn't make it. She was more important.

The two continued their walk in silence, only speaking once more when they went their separate ways to say goodbye.

As Hinata finished his dreary walk, he realized that he still had Kageyama's large sweater enveloping his frame in what felt like a comforting hug.


	2. Chapter 2

Her giggle travelled across the table at lunch. It was light and airy and angelic. 

Hinata started eating alone in the bathroom.

It was quiet and lonely, but to Hinata, it was better than seeing her and Kageyama.

When Hinata got home he cast a glance at Kageyama's sweater folded neatly on his bed. Kageyama hadn't asked him for it, so he had probably forgotten. 

Hinata glanced down at his phone, feeling it vibrate in his pocket. He figured it was Yamaguchi. Hinata had managed to get him to toss to him, since Kageyama was busy. That being said Hinata rushed down to the park where Yamaguchi was waiting, Tsukishima standing protectively over his shoulder.

"Hi Hinata!" Yamaguchi exclaimed. Tsukishima just rolled his eyes. Typical.

"Hi."

For a few hours, they tossed to each other. The silence was replaced with small talk about school and the occasional complaint from Tsukishima about needing Yamaguchi for other stuff. Finally, the male with glasses stood up from his seat on the ground. His headphones were hanging around his neck, the sound of a song quietly playing drifting to Hinata's ears.

"Hinata, why don't you just get the Kageyama to toss for you? Or is he too busy doing king-ly things?" Tsukishima asked.

Yamaguchi started to snicker, but quickly stopped when he noticed Hinata's distraught expression. And that was when the floodgates opened, letting all of his pent up emotions out. Hinata felt the tears rolling down his cheeks, but he didn't care. He couldn't keep hiding the pain anymore. Muffled by his sobs, Hinata could make out Yamaguchi scolding Tsukki for making him cry and then trying to console his tiny teammate.

"Hey, don't cry Hinata! Tsukki didn't mean it!" Yamaguchi assured, sneaking a deadly glare to his blonde haired boyfriend. "Right Tsukki?"

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and miraculously apologized. "Hey, I'm sorry."

Hinata shook his head, wiping away the tears. "I-it's not that. I j-just..."

But he didn't really know. 

"Then what's wrong?" Tsukishima asked, clearly getting annoyed.

"Does it have something to do with Kageyama?" Yamaguchi asked, placing a comforting hand on the orange haired boy's shoulder.

Without much thought, Hinata felt his head bob in a 'yes' motion.

Tsuki and Yams shared a glance, then turned back to Hinata. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

And surprisingly, Hinata heard himself say "yes."

And then he was rambling. Rambling about her, about how perfect she was, and about Kageyama, and how happy he was. And about himself, and how broken he was.

And Yams and Tsuki both listened.

"I... I think I love him." Hinata finally whispered, concluding his teary outburst. 

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima just stood there, staring. Hinata cocked his head in confusion.

Then Yamaguchi wiped away a tear. "I'm so sorry Hinata! That's horrible!" he wailed.

Tsukki rolled his eyes again, but nonetheless wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. 

"Yeah. It is." Hinata murmured, looking down at the ground. 

"Maybe you should try moving on." Tsukishima suggested, turning his attention from his weeping partner back to his teammate.

"How?" Hinata asked. How was he supposed to move on? He couldn't just pack up all his feelings for Kageyama and throw them away! That wasn't how it worked.

"Find someone else. I'm sure there's another person out there who's better than the King." Tsuki replied.

And so that was what Hinata did.

(Or tried to do)


	3. Chapter 3

The sweater was still there when Hinata got home from his tossing session with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. Well, of course it was. It couldn't have grown legs and walked away. Hinata stared at it for a moment, trying to imagine how many times Kageyama had offered her one of his sweaters. Probably many times. Maybe he had even given her this sweater once. Just the idea made Hinata's spine shiver.

Trying to erase the thought from his mind, Hinata fell onto his bed and pulled out his phone. On his walk home he had tried imagining himself with anyone other than Kageyama, but it had been hard. There just wasn't anyone good enough that came to mind. None of the boy's in his school could compare. Then Hinata got an idea. Maybe the boy didn't have to be from his school. Opening the texting app, Hinata scrolled down to find Kenma's contact. Nekoma probably had some cute boys.

[8:30 PM]

tangerine : hiii wyd

gamercat : nthn much

wby?

tangerine : me 2. ik this is random, but i have a question

gamercat : k

tangerine : i want 2 get a bf and i was wondering if there were any cute boys @ ur school

gamercat : i see

well u can come by over the wknd and we can go ppl watching

tangerine : yessss sounds gr8 

gamercat : bahaha ofc see u

Hinata let out a long sigh and put his phone on his chest. He knew that getting his mind off of Kageyama would be for the better. He also knew that constantly thinking about her was slowly ruining him. 

Coach Ukai had noticed that Hinata's game hadn't been at his best recently, and he knew it was only a matter of time until it affected the team's overall play. Hinata knew couldn't let that happen over some stupid girl.

Stupidly perfect girl.

Hinata groaned into his pillow, angry that she had found a way to slip into his mind. She was always there, haunting him like a ghost. And in a way, she really was always there. She ate lunch with them, she was in class with them, she began walking home with them clutching onto Kageyama's arm like a leech that fed off of his affection. She had even started coming to their practices recently, standing in the sidelines and chatting with Yachi. 

She seemed to be pulling Kageyama further and further away from Hinata, and it hurt. It broke Hinata to think that now he could barely talk to Kageyama without the leech showing up and taking him away.

But that was why he had to move on. That was why he was going to find someone new, someone even better than Kageyama. Not that he believed it was possible, but it was worth a shot. 

Maybe then Hinata wouldn't feel so empty anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all ever just wanna 🧎♀️🏌️♀️


	4. Chapter 4

The sound of the bustling park filled Hinata's ears as he licked at his popsicle. Kenma and Kuroo sat to his left, one tapping at his phone and the other with his arm draped lazily around the smaller one. It made Hinata a bit jealous, seeing their sweet relationship. That could have been him and Kageyama, but instead Kageyama was putting his arm around her shoulder, giving all his sweaters to her, spending time with her.

"So, Hinata, why exactly are we here?" Kuroo asked, bringing Hinata's train of thought to a halt.

"I'm looking for a boyfriend." Hinata replied. It sounding wrong coming out of his mouth. In his mind, Hinata had always associated boyfriend with Kageyama. But clearly that was never going to work out.

"Looks more like you're looking at that popsicle." Kuroo replied. 

"Hey, leave him alone, Kuro." Kenma said, finally glancing up from his cellular device.

Kuroo smirked and gave Kenma's nose a soft tap. "You're so cute!"

Kenma scrunched his nose, only further proving Kuroo's statement. "Am. Not."

"Are too."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

Hinata looked back at the popsicle as the two bantered and acted all sappy, realizing that Kuroo was right. He hadn't looked up from his popsicle once to take a look at the boy's in the park. If he was being honest, he didn't even want to look up. Nobody could replace Kageyama.   
"Earth to Hinataaaaa."

Hinata looked up to see Kenma standing in front of him. "Kuroo said I should stop staring at my phone, so I'm going to go get some pretzels. Can you come with me?"

The orange haired boy nodded and followed Kenma down the park path, leaving Kuroo behind on the bench.

"I never said to leave me here all alone!" Kuroo called after them.

"Don't worry, I'll buy you some pretzels to make up for it." Kenma muttered in response, pulling his hood over his head.

Hinata smiled softly, their banter always amusing him. "What's it like? Dating?"

"It's nice." Kenma murmured. Hinata noticed how he tried to hide the blush that spread across his pale cheeks. "Kuroo is the best."

Hinata nodded, although he knew he couldn't understand. He would never understand, because the love of his life was off smooching some girl who was by far a million times better than Hinata would ever be.

"Hinata, careful!"

Hinata let out a gasp as he stumbled over his feet, falling down to the ground. But the feeling of strong arms safely holding him from crashing into the ground was not something he had expected. Hinata's wide doe eyes looked up to see grey ones staring back at him. 

"I'm so sorry!" Hinata squeaked, stumbling out of the other boy's arms. 

"Don't worry about it." The grey eyed boy said with a smile. "Hey, you look familiar. Have I seen you before?"

Hinata cocked his head trying to think back to ever seeing the other boy, but his thoughts were interrupted as the grey eyed teen spoke up again.

"That's right! You're Hinata Shouyou! I think I've seen you play against my school before." The boy paused, looking Hinata up and down. "You're really amazing out there." 

Hinata felt his face heat up at the kind words, and he put up a hand to hide his blush. "O-oh! Thank you!"

"I'm Nakamura Hoshi. Nice to meet you." Hoshi said, reaching out a hand for Hinata to shake.

Hinata shook Hoshi's hand, noticing the size difference. Hoshi's hands were big and strong, yet soft to the touch. 

"Well, I guess I should go" Hinata started, turning around. But Kenma wasn't there. "Uh, did you happen to see where my friend went?"

Hoshi scanned the area. "I didn't. I can help you look for him, though."

Hinata smiled gratefully. Hoshi's height would be useful in this situation. The two began their walk through the park, Hinata calling out for Kenma and Hoshi scanning the people around them.

"Maybe he went back to where we were sitting?" Hinata suggested. Hoshi nodded in agreement, and the two set off in the direction of the bench.

As they rounded the corner with the trees Hinata saw that the bench was uninhabited, no sign of Kuroo nor Kenma anywhere. 

"Thats... weird." Hinata muttered, folding his arms across his chest. "I wonder why they left me."

"Don't worry, I'll help you find them." Hoshi reassured the smaller boy, and the two continued walking.

"So. Do you also go to Nekoma?" Hinata asked, kicking a small rock off the path.

"Yeah. I'm on the swim team." 

Hinata nodded, taking a better at Hoshi. He was tall but lean, reminding Hinata of Kageyama. His hair was messy, falling slightly over his big grey eyes. He definitely looked like a swimmer to the orange haired boy. "That's cool."

"Yep."

The two continued awkwardly looking for Hinata's missing friends, occasionally cracking a joke between each other. Hoshi was actually pretty funny, and Hinata liked that.

Soon, it started to get dark. Hinata shivered and wrapped his arms around his small frame. He hadn't expected to be at the park for so long, and had decided not to bring a sweater. Clearly, that had been a mistake. 

"Here, you need this more than I do."

Hinata looked over to see Hoshi holding out his sweatshirt.

A big mistake.

Hinata took the sweatshirt from the other boy's hands, pulling it on. It was warm and smelled nice, not to mention that it hung down to his knees. 

A very big mistake.

Hinata blushed as he noticed Hoshi's sweet smile. 

A VERY VERY BIG MISTAKE.

He didn't know how it happened, but suddenly Hinata was leaning in, and Hoshi was leaning down, and their faces were millimeters apart. And then their lips met. Hoshi's lips were soft, so soft. Just how Hinata had imagined.

He had been imagining them kissing?

It didn't matter anymore, because now it was happening. Hinata pulled back, feeling embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry. Was that too soon?" Hoshi asked, his hand somehow on Hinata's cheek. His fingers softly stroked the orange haired boy's cheekbones, and Hinata could feel himself blushing at the feeling.

"I've never kissed anyone before." Hinata whispered in response, a grin adorning his face.

Hoshi just snickered and leaned in again. And they kissed. No interruptions; just the feeling of lips on lips, the sound of a soft smack as they pulled apart to breath, the soft whine from Hoshi as Hinata finally pulled away for good.

"I should probably go home, Hoshi." Hinata murmured. 

Hoshi nodded, looking down at his phone to check the time. 

They exchanged numbers, and then Hinata was off, heading home with a wide grin across his face. His mind had never brought her up while he had been with Hoshi, and something about that made Hinata happy. It was like he was saying goodbye to all his sadness. He was saying goodbye to the pain, to her, to Kageyama.

But little did he know that in the shadows stood a tall and dark haired setter, who had finally wanted to say hello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys im so sorry


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Hinata skipped into school with a grin on his face.

"Wow, Hinata seems really happy today." Tanaka commented, watching as the orange haired boy skipped down the halls.

"Isn't he always like that?" Noya asked, his eyes following Hinata's every move.

"I dunno. Lately he seemed really sad. I guess his problem got fixed or something." Tanaka replied, and the two returned to their daily conversation about Kiyoko.

Hinata skipped over to his table, humming softly as he pulled out his notebooks and stationary. Today was a very good day. Him and Hoshi had set up a date together at an ice cream shop nearby, and Hinata couldn't wait for school to finish so that he could be on his way.

"Hey Hinata." Hinata looked up to see ~~his favorite~~ blue eyes staring back at him. Somehow, _she_ was nowhere to be seen.

Hinata turned his gaze back down to his things, replying unenthusiastically. "Hi, Kageyama." 

Kageyama stood there for a moment, clearly taken aback by Hinata's sudden loss of energy. "H-how are you?"

"I'm doing great, actually. Thanks for asking." came the flat return.

Kageyama cleared his throat, nervously pulling at the collar of his uniform. "That's nice-"

"Hey, where is she?" Hinata cut in, finally looking back up at Kageyama's ~~pretty~~ face.

"Huh? ...oh." Kageyama scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "We uh, we broke up."

Hinata whipped his head around to face Kageyama so fast that he felt his neck crack. "What?!"

"Uhm, yeah. We broke up. She's taking the day off from school because she was really upset." Kageyama continued.

Hinata felt his heart tighten, not sure whether it was because of joy or sorrow. He was ~~overjoyed~~ glad that Kageyama had broken up with her but... Hinata had already moved on. And he was happy now. 

"That's... that's too bad." Hinata ended up mumbling. He turned his head back to his pencil case, fumbling around for one of his pens.

He could feel Kageyama still standing next to his desk, the dark haired boy's taller frame looming over Hinata's tiny desk.

"Oh, here." Out of the corner of his eye, Hinata saw a small box on the edge of his desk.

"I was at the store this morning and I thought you'd like it." Kageyama explained, turning away.

"I have a boyfriend!" Hinata yelped, not really knowing what to say.

But all he got in response was a soft "I know" from Kageyama.

As Hinata looked down at the neatly wrapped box on his desk, Kageyama's "I know" rang in his ears.

_I know._

Hinata gently unwrapped the gift and opened the box.

 _I know_.

It was a little keychain of a sun with a big smiling face. 

_I know._

Shoyou meant shining sunlight.

Hinata felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked down at the key chain. 

He couldn't keep it.

He had a boyfriend.

He had to move on.

This didn't even mean anything.

It was just a stupid keychain.

Just a stupid, stupid keychain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sorry guys this one's kinda a filler chapter  
> but don't worry i'll update soon


	6. Chapter 6

Hinata walked to the ice cream place, Kageyama's gift from earlier that day hidden in the back of his mind. Hinata knew it was too cold for ice cream, the leaves had already begun to fall from the trees. But regardless, Hinata loved the treat and was pleased to hear the Hoshi did as well. 

"Oi! Hinata!"

Hinata looked up and grinned at the sight of Hoshi standing down the street in front of the ice cream parlor. "Hi Hoshi!"

The little orange-haired teen ran towards Hoshi, arms stretched out for a hug, and soon felt the warmth of another body holding him close. He took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of Hoshi's cologne mixed with chlorine from the pool. He probably swam earlier that day. 

"How are you?" Hoshi asked, finally letting go of the smaller boy.

"I'm good! How're you?" Hinata replied, bright and bubbly.

"Fantastic. C'mon, let's go inside."

The two walked into the shop and got their ice cream, Hinata getting one scoop of vanilla and a scoop of strawberry, while Hoshi got mint and chocolate. 

The two giggled as they left the store, sharing their ice cream with each other as they walked down the sidewalk. The soft breeze blew at them, but this time Hinata was prepared. He nuzzled himself further into the sweatshirt, keeping him warm from the fall wind.

"Isn't fall the best season?" Hoshi asked, tossing out the last of his ice cream.

Hinata nodded, still licking at his own. Even though fall wasn't the season for ice cream, Hinata loved wearing sweaters and watching the leaves turn pretty shades of red and orange (it had nothing to do with his hair!).

"So... What's your favorite color?" Hoshi asked, trying to start up a conversation.

Hinata giggled in response. "These are all boring questions!"

Hoshi's face turned a light shade of pink at Hinata's reply. "Just answer the question!"

As Hinata's giggling died down, he gave the question a thought. He liked all the colors, because every color had something special that it reminded Hinata of. Like, blue reminded him of...

Blue. 

Blue reminded him of Kageyama's eyes. 

Hinata shook his head, trying to get rid of the thought. He was on a date with his boyfriend! He couldn't keep thinking about Kageyama.

"I... I like the color orange." Hinata blurted. It was random. He didn't know why he chose that one, out of all the colors he could choose.

"Haha, like your hair?" Hoshi snickered, and Hinata replied with a soft laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so."

The two continued the walk, Hinata eventually throwing away his treat. Soon they came to the pond and took a seat on a bench right in front of it. The wind made small ripples in the surface of the water and made the remaining leaves on the trees rustle as they blew against each other. It was peaceful to Hinata, listening to the sounds of fall. 

He closed his eyes and leaned his head onto Hoshi's shoulder, enjoying the moment. It was so peaceful, he felt as though he could drift into a relaxing sleep at any moment. He felt his breathing slow as he drifted into the beginning of a soft slumber.

Until he felt Hoshi move from under him.

Hinata kept his eyes closed and body still, not wanting to startle Hoshi. He listened as Hoshi fumbled with something in his hands.

"Hello?"

There was a soft murmur coming from Hoshi's phone.

"Oh I'm just hanging out with my... friend. Yeah."

There was a pause.

"Of course, baby. Yeah. See you~"

Hinata tried to process the information he had just heard as Hoshi hung up the call. Weren't they dating? Who did he call 'baby'? The orange haired boy slowly sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Maybe he was still asleep.

"Oh! Hinata! You're awake!" Hoshi exclaimed.

Hinata yawned and moved his head in an agreeing motion. "Yep. Hey, I think I should get going. I should probably be home before dinner."

Hoshi nodded, his head bobbing up and down exaggeratedly. "Of course. Okay! Bye!"

And with that he was off, walking away and leaving Hinata half awake on the bench.

"What the heck?" Hinata muttered under his breath.

By the time Hinata got home, he was fully awake. When he walked into his room, something in his reflection caught his eye.

The whole time, he had been wearing Kageyama's old sweatshirt.


	7. Chapter 7

The soft chirp of crickets in the grass outside Hinata's house were usually enough to lull him to sleep. But they didn't seem to be working this time around. Hinata tossed and turned in his bed, trying to figure out what was going on in his life at the moment. It had been a day since his strange date with Hoshi, and in that time he had received some messages from Kageyama. They were simple texts, nothing too far off from what Hinata was used to receiving from the dark haired setter but somehow Hinata was able to overthink them as well.

Annoyed with his lack of ability to rest, Hinata rolled to his side and grabbed his phone from his night stand, pulling up the messaging app and finding Kageyama's contact. He couldn't seem to stop himself from reading the messages, even though he had already seen them a million times.

[Tuesday, 4:15 PM]

bakageyama: hey

what's up

[7:45 PM]

bakageyama: u wanna hang out

we haven't done anything together in a while

They were so simple, yet they made Hinata's mind race.

Hinata had noticed that Kageyama had become more distant ever since he had broken up with her. It was like the opposite of what happened to Hinata. It was like she had been what was making Kageyama happy. 

Maybe if Hinata hadn't been so obviously upset by Kageyama's relationship. Maybe if Hinata hadn't been so possessive over someone who he knew was not going to love him. Maybe if Hinata hadn't been so distant himself, hadn't been so rude, hadn't been so closed off. If Hinata hadn't done many things, maybe Kageyama would be happier, right?

Something warm and salty dripped down Hinata's cheek, following the curve of his jaw all the way to his bottom lip. Hinata hadn't even realized that he had been crying. He hastily wiped at the tears, shaking his head.

"It's my fault." Hinata let out an angry scream into his pillow. Everything was his fault.

Kageyama probably broke up with her because he saw how his relationship was negatively affecting Hinata, which in turn would negatively affect the team. Therefore, Hinata being a little crybaby ruined Kageyama's happiness.

Or maybe he was just overthinking it?

His brain quickly shut down that idea. It was _obviously_ his fault. He just ruined everything and maybe things would be better without him. But he shook off that thought as well, pulling at his bright orange locks in frustration. He was supposed to be sleeping, not fretting over some random texts from his friend.

Were they still friends?

Had Hinata ruined that too?

And not to get started on Hoshi's weird phone call...

Maybe Hinata's hug from the beginning of their date was too much for Hoshi. Maybe he got really overwhelmed and realized that Hinata just wasn't for him.

Hinata slapped his cheeks, the sting snapping him back to reality. He was fine. He had to be fine. He needed to stop worrying. He needed to stop-

Hinata peeked at the texts again. Maybe it was to see Kageyama's bland, yet strangely comforting texts. Maybe it was because he had no self control. Maybe it was a bit of both. God, Hinata hated "maybe's".

And he hated that his mind always brought them up. It was enough, occasionally speculating over small things, but the moment something bad or weird happened to Hinata, his mind automatically began spewing nonsense theories and alternate ideas pertaining to the situation. It frustrated the orange haired boy immensely. 

Clenching his eyes closed, Hinata tried to imagine nice things.

Like flowers, or meat buns, or winning a game, or tossing with... tossing with Kageyama. Kageyama.

Hinata shook the thoughts of the blue eyes teenager away and tried again.

Fall, leaves, cool, breeze, sweater, Kageyama's sweater... her... the date with Hoshi.

Oh no.

Hinata let out another frustrated cry into his pillow. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes.

Hinata knew that he could never make Kageyama as happy as he had been with her. Never. Because when she left, it was as though she had taken all of Kageyama's happiness away with her as well. Hinata couldn't restore Kageyama's joy. After all, he wasn't even half as perfect as she was. But at least Hoshi was there for him.

Or was he?

Hinata squeezed his eyes shut, ignoring the warm tickle of tears dripping down his pale cheeks. After ages of laying in place, hugging his pillow, Hinata finally managed to fall into a dreamless sleep. His phone that still open to Kageyama's texts, was wrapped tightly in his hand.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a rainy and gloomy day, reminding Hinata a lot of the day Kageyama had given him his sweater. Although this time, Hinata was walking home alone. 

He had kept Kageyama's keychain. In fact, Hinata was playing with it at the moment, fidgeting with the rubbery material in his hands as he walked. He had become attached to the sweet gift, and just looking at it made Hinata feel better. Although his mind did always return to Kageyama.

Which was why he was headed to a small shop downtown. Hinata felt obliged to give Kageyama a gift in return for the keychain, and thought that the best place would be his favorite store. 

Hinata listened as bell above the door jingled, signaling his presence in the quaint shop. It was small and cozy inside, filled with books and trinkets of all sorts. Hinata wasn't sure exactly what to buy for Kageyama, but he was sure that he'd find something good.

As the orange haired boy browsed around, he came across a small stuffed animal. It was a little black cat holding a little carton of milk between it's paws. Hinata felt his heart explode at how cute the little thing was, and knew immediately that it was made for Kageyama. The cat's face even looked like Kageyama's with a small scowl and angry blue eyes. Hinata excitedly carried the toy to the register, where he paid and had the plushie put into a nice brown bag.

The orange haired teen skipped out of the store, holding the bag tightly in his hands. He was going to make up with Kageyama. After a lot of thought, Hinata knew he had to make things right. He may not have been as amazing as _she_ was, but he could at least try to lift Kageyama's spirits. And maybe, eventually, Hinata would be able to make things right. Make things the way they were before she came along. Return things to normal.

As Hinata continued down the sidewalk, he realized that he had forgotten all about the gloom around him and smiled softly to himself. Maybe his life wasn't so bad. Just getting a gift for Kageyama had made Hinata so happy that he had completely lost track of the sad weather. That was a step in the right direction.

Now he just needed to see Kageyama in person. Maybe even right away.

Hinata pulled out his phone, and quickly called Kageyama. He rang a few times, not receiving any response. Confused, Hinata decided to try texting the younger male.

[4:56 PM]

tangerine: hi kageyama. do u want to hang out?

Hinata continued his slow walk, checking his phone again twenty minutes later. Still no response to his calls nor text.

Maybe Hinata was wrong. Maybe he had already messed up. There was no turning back. It was all ruined. Kageyama hated him.

Suddenly, there was a ping from his phone. Hinata snapped his phone up to his face so quickly that his phone almost flung out of his hand. But it was just a software update reminder.

With a sigh, Hinata continued. 

His inner thought had probably been correct all along. He wasn't as good as her, never would be. He hadn't responded to Kageyama's previous texts, and now he was probably mad. Hinata bit his lip.

He tried to distract himself by looking around. His eyes scanned the area for anything. Anything to distract his mind. And then he saw it. Or rather, _them_.

Hoshi was standing by a table inside of a cafe. In front of him was a girl. But not just any girl.

It was _her_.

She was there, with Hoshi. But why? Why was she there?

And then it happened.

Something that made Hinata's last hope dissipate. She leaned in with her smug and pretty face, and her and Hoshi's lips collided. And Hoshi didn't pull away.

Hinata felt his jaw drop open, the rain falling into his gaping mouth as he stared at the scene in front of him. And that was when things got worse. Much, much worse.

Hoshi turned, the stupid smile that was spread across his face vanishing in an instant as he locked eyes with Hinata. Hinata felt frozen, frozen as Hoshi rushed out of the cafe and into the rain, his face looking distraught.

"Wait! Hinata!" 

But Hinata was done. God, he was so done. And everyone seemed to be done with him as well. "Get away from me! How could you?!"

"I-"

"Was I that bad?"

"Hinata please..."

"And it was with _her_????" Hinata wiped at his face as he spoke, his tears mixing with the rain that was beginning to come down harder.

"Hinata I'm so-"

"SHUT UP! WE'RE DONE!" Hinata screamed, and he turned and ran.

He wasn't sure where he was running, he just let his feet carry him away. Away and away, and as he ran the rain began to beat down harder and harder until the sound of it smacking the windows of the buildings around him rang throughout Hinata's ears.

He ran and ran until he was in front of a building.

Without much thought, he climbed up the fire escape and onto the roof.

Without much thought, his eyes travelled across the view.

Without much thought, he took a step.

And then another, and another, and another, and...

Hinata looked over the edge at the ground below. 

Why was he even doing this?

He knew why he was doing this.

Hinata knew that he would never be enough for Kageyama. Hoshi saw that he wasn't enough and chose someone else, and of course that someone else had to be _her_. In the end, it was always her. She found a way to take everything from Hinata. Everything.

And Hinata wished nothing more but death. 

He didn't know to whom, be it himself or her. Because if she were dead, he had already ruined all of his relationships. But if he was dead... well. Nobody would care, would they?

Hinata took a deep breath, and turned his head up to the sky. It was dark and dreary, but he knew that when the sun was shining, the sky was beautiful.

But never as beautiful as Kageyama's eyes.

With a soft smile playing at his lips, Hinata imagined those beautiful eyes staring at him with nothing but love and adoration, a look that he knew he never would have gotten in real life. A look that only played in his imagination.

Because why would Kageyama ever kiss him?

After all, Hinata wasn't even half as pretty as she was.

Kageyama gave her his sweaters.

And even though they were polyester, Hinata knew. He knew with all his heart.

That he liked her better.

And with a final breath, Hinata moved his feet.

"HINATA!!!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys i'm sorry i haven't posted in forever. i've just been super busy with school lately, but I've finally found a little bit of time to write the end to this story.  
> also, sorry if it's not the best. it's pretty late now but hopefully y'all like it.

"Hinata!"

Hinata groaned as he rolled over, the weight of a blanket on top of his tired body only making him want to sleep more. When he felt a hand stroking his hair, Hinata was confused. He opened his eyes, only to be blinded momentarily by a bright light. As the light began to fade, Hinata was able to make out faint shapes in his vision. He slowly brought a hand to his face, rubbing at his eyes to rid his vision of blurriness. As his eyes adjusted, he realized that he had no clue where he was. 

"Oh Shoyo! I'm so glad you're okay!" 

Hinata let out a small grunt as his mother wrapped him up in a tight hug.

"H-hi mom." Hinata said, squeezing her back. "Wh-what happened?"

His mother pulled away from the hug, wiping some stray tears from her eyes. "You were found passed out in an alleyway. You... you've been out for a whole day."

Hinata's mouth opened in shock, his frantic mind trying to process what was going on. 

And then everything came back to him. He remembered going to the shop to get a gift for Kageyama. He remembered seeing Hoshi at the coffee shop. And he remembered running. Running, running, running.... and the rooftop. It was dark and rainy and... Had he really jumped? He remembered the voice, the panic and distress as it called out to him. Had it merely been his imagination?

"You're very lucky Tobio found you." Hinata's mother continued, snapping him back into reality. Hinata looked up to see his mother nervously playing with the sleeve of her sweater and cocked his head. Kageyama? 

He watched as his mother turned around and beckoned to someone to come over. When he saw those familiar blue eyes now clouded with sadness, Hinata couldn't help but feel guilty. 

After a moment of silence, Hinata's mom let out a small squeak.

"I... I'll give you two some time alone..." she said, backing out of the room and leaving the two boys by themselves.

They stayed silent for a moment, just staring at one another. 

And then Hinata's flood gates opened. It started with his lip trembling, and then suddenly his eyes were pouring out fountains of tears and he was sobbing.

He felt strong and safe arms wrap around him and he crumbled into them, leaning his entire body into Kageyama's. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Hinata wailed, clutching onto the dark haired setters sweater.

"No! Please don't be sorry! It's not your fault at all." Kageyama assured, pulling the smaller boy closer to himself. "I got you. I should be sorry."

Hinata felt his fist tighten around fabric of Kageyama's sweater as he listened to the rapid beat of the taller males heart. "Why would you be sorry?"

"Because I..." Kageyama took a deep breath and pulled back, staring deep into Hinata's watery brown eyes. "I love you, Hinata Shoyo. I have for a while. But... but before, I couldn't understand my feelings. I thought they were wrong and weird, so I covered them up by calling you names. But then you'd do that little pout or... or whine or _something_ , and then I'd feel the feelings I was trying to repress all over again. So I finally decided to... to uh, get a girlfriend. I thought that that would stop my feelings. But it didn't. Oh God. I'm so sorry. I watched as the life drained from you, and you changed. And I felt horrible. I realized how much you meant to me, and it hurt me to see you suffering like that. But by the time I had come to terms with the way I felt about you, you'd moved on. And your spark was back. And... I guess I was happy that you were happy, though deep down my heart ached to be with you. Um, and the reason why I didn't respond to your text about hanging out was because my phone had died. I was actually taking a shortcut through the alley to get home from getting groceries when I saw you. I... I was so scared because I thought that something horrible had happened, and I called an ambulance. Luckily, the doctors said you had probably just passed out from shock and exhaustion. Anyways, I- I'm glad you're okay. I guess what I really just wanted to say is... I love you. So much. And I always will."

Hinata sat there in dumbfounded silence, still trying to understand what was happening. This wasn't a dream? Kageyama liked him?!

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable!" Kageyama yelped, noticing Hinata's expression. "I didn't mean for-"

"Can I kiss you?"

Kageyama nodded leaning in, and suddenly Hinata was mere centimeters away from those wide, sky blue eyes. 

A hand gently came up to his cheek, soft fingers travelled along his jawline and angling his head to face up in Kageyama's direction. A thumb gently traced his bottom lip. 

And then Hinata leaned in and closed the gap. He felt the soft lips on his, and it was like a dream. He was kissing Kageyama Tobio.

HE WAS KISSING KAGEYAMA TOBIO!

It was as if time stopped. Hinata felt himself lean into the kiss, his already trembling body becoming even less stable. Kageyama's lips were so sweet and every time he pulled back for a breath, Hinata couldn't help but shakily lean up for more. He held Kageyama's sweatshirt tighter than he thought possible, still trying to convince himself that this was real, that this was happening.

It was the sound of the door to the room opening that  brought the boys out of their intimate trance. Their gazes snapped up to the entrance where Hinata's mom was standing with a surprised expression, two cups of jello in her hands.

"I... I can leave these right here for you..." she whispered, placing the food on one of the chairs and slowly backing out of the room.

The moment she left, Hinata burst out into laughter. 

"Oh no, is she mad?" Kageyama asked, worriedly grabbing Hinata's hand. 

"N-no! She probably just didn't expect us to be kissing, that's all." Hinata said, wiping at his eyes. "Besides, even if she was mad, she couldn't stop my love for you."

Kageyama smiled softly and leaned in once more, peppering Hinata's face with soft kisses, each one eliciting a bubbly laugh from the orange haired boy.

The two spent the rest of the day eating jello and laughing together.

P.S. Kageyama loved the cat plushie.

~~_ Why would you ever kiss me? _ ~~

_ Your laugh is adorable and your smile makes my heart explode. _

~~_ I'm not even half as pretty. _ ~~

_ You're so pretty.  _

~~_ You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester. _ ~~

_ And I'll give you all my sweaters. _

~~_ But you like her better. _ ~~

_ Because I love you so much _

~~_ I wish I were... _ ~~

_ Hinata. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry guys this is so bad


End file.
